I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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