I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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