I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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