Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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