fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
