i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
