Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
