He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
