Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
