Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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