whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
