my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
