wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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