I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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