We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This is my gift to your gina
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
