don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I didn't notice because vodka
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
