i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
