I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
