Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
