we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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