Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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