Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
