I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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