Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize