Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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