On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize