She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
