so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
