I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
