oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
