i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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