You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
