So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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