Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Randomize
