I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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