so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
