You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
