OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
