hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
