Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize