I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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