Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
