words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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