Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
