If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
