I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm too high and old for this...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize