i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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