Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
