So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize