Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
