everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
