the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
