Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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