Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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