I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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