Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
