K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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