Don't make out with my wife yet
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dick very happy bro
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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