trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
