I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
