dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize