We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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