Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
