dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
