matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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