Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
