i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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