Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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