I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
